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The reasons women choose to tandem
nurse vary from mother to mother, but they tend to focus on three
overlapping ideals.
An
easier transition
"Bringing a baby into a
family makes changes for everyone," says a mother of three,
"and it can be especially difficult for older siblings, who
may feel jealous or insecure. By continuing to nurse my
toddler," she adds, "I could help her feel close and
loved." Another mother of four who tandem nursed for two
years agrees: "By nursing my 18-month-old son, I felt
connected to him and his new sister. There was no feeling of
pushing him out of the nest." Young children can find a new
baby threatening, and typically will struggle with sharing mama,
her love, and her time. By maintaining the close nursing
relationship, the toddler will likely feel more nurtured and
comforted as he adapts to his new sibling.
Closeness
of siblings
"I chose to tandem
nurse," explains one mother, "because of the bond I knew
it would create between my children. I would watch their eyes
looking at each other and their fingers touching. It was
beautiful." A mother who nursed her newborn and her
two-and-a-half-year-old daughter remembers, "I was
overwhelmed by the beauty of those two faces gazing up at me with
such peace and pleasure. My toddler would reach out and stroke my
son, and it brought tears to my eyes. How could sharing something
like this not bond them together?"
No
abrupt or premature weaning
Perhaps the most compelling reason
women choose to tandem nurse is to avoid having to wean a child
before he/she is ready. Any mother who has nursed past one year
has already learned to recognize the need in her child to keep
breastfeeding and probably is aware of the psychological damages
an unwanted, premature weaning can cause. Ending an active nursing
relationship just before the arrival of a new baby can be
particularly stressful or upsetting to a child. As one mother
explains, "I felt I just had not given my son a good enough
start when his sister came along. He still needed that special
time with me." Another echoes her feelings. "My daughter
had a hard time accepting her new brother. I just couldn't imagine
adding to her struggle by taking away one of the things that
brought her the most comfort and security. It seemed
heartless."
Making
Tandem Nursing Work
1. Always position the baby
first, and then let your (more flexible) toddler arrange him - or
herself around the baby.
2. Make sure the baby gets
the chance to nurse on the fuller side first. Your toddler needs
this special time of closeness, but unlike your infant, is not
depending solely on breastmilk for nutrition.
3. Use pillows under your
arms and/or behind your back to make it more comfortable as you
nurse and cuddle two.
4. Don't attempt to tandem
nurse without strongly considering a family bed arrangement.
Leaving your warm bed to feed one is hard enough; two would be
exhausting. Utilizing co-sleeping will greatly increase your
opportunity to rest and sleep - not to mention all its other
benefits!
5. Attend La Leche League
meetings for empathy and ideas.
6. Find a friend who has
either tandem nursed or appreciates the reasons you have chosen to
do it. You need her voice on the phone on the rough days!
7. Enlist you spouse's or
partner's support as much as possible. You need someone close to
you to both love and support you, plus lessen the other demands on
you so you are free to nurse. Be sure to communicate clearly how
you are feeling and specifically what you need.
8. Get as much rest as
possible to help renew body and spirit. Doze while you are
nursing, and cat nap whenever you can. Drink lots of fluids and
eat healthy foods. You are providing calories and nutrition for
three!
9. If simultaneous nursings
are stressful for you, look for other things to do with your
toddler while the baby is being fed. Try reading a book, watching
a movie, coloring, sharing a snack, or any other activity that
keeps you close without involving nursing.
10. Most important, hang in
there! "It can be hard," acknowledges one mom, "but
you will never regret your decision." Another admits,
"Some days were really tough for me, and I got tired of
having a child at my breast every five minutes. Just when I
thought I had had it, though, I would take a deep breath and gaze
into two pairs of gentle eyes and be reminded of why I have made
all of my parenting decisions - because these are the most
precious creatures in the world to me, and I want them to have the
best possible start they can have in life. Tandem nursing is one
step in that journey, one I would never have wanted to miss."
Tandem nursing is indeed much like
many other aspects of parenting - harder, more stressful, and more
tiring than you could ever have expected. But like the others, it
is part of providing your children with the best you are capable
of giving them. Breastfeeding siblings brings closeness and joy to
both you and your children, and it's worth every moment - the
difficult and the blissful. They will pass down the nurturing
legacy for generations to come.
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